Elizabeth Baines: No thanks

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

No thanks

There's one thing that really gets me. Every so often I get an email from someone writing about writers - the writing life, writers and publishing, that sort of thing - and they'd like me to answer some questions to help them with their surveys and essays. These requests can come from right across the board, from schoolchildren, from undergrads, from people writing theses for PhDs. In the first instance the senders are invariably polite, they nearly always express awareness of the hugeness of the request and the demand on my time. Well, it's nice to be helpful, and good to engage with readers, so I look at the questions, and if they're sensible and literate, which they usually are (though I've had one or two crazy semi-literate corkers!), I take the trouble to think about them and send answers. And know what? Having got my answers, those students hardly ever reply, leave alone say thanks!

It really makes me consider ignoring all such requests. What do others think?

11 comments:

Vanessa Gebbie said...: Hmm. I dont know. I do answer these things, if I've got time... and I don't expect a reply. I don't want to enter into a dialogue, and normally, the thanks are said in advance in the covering letter, as t'were. I don't go into screeds - quick replies usually have to do.
But its nice to spread the reality of what writing is like, as opposed to the myths that abound!; 8:44 PM
nmj said...: Politeness is everything, I would be angry if I was not thanked for helping out the way you have! I don't understand that people have not been more gracious, it makes no sense. Maybe just be more brutal with your filtering process, reply to only the occasional one?; 8:50 PM
Elizabeth Baines said...: Hm. V, I don't think a polite thank you is drawing someone into a dialogue. If I asked someone for such help, I would most certainly thank them if they gave it.; 9:05 PM
Vanessa Gebbie said...: I suppose Im just battle-hardened! If we have to put up with enormous discourtesies from editors of online mags who, despite soliciting email submissions, cant be arsed to respond to subs except for those that they publish, usually for nothing (!) ... then this discourtesy is peanuts!; 9:19 PM
Elizabeth Baines said...: Well, I can't agree. Both are discourtesies, but this is particularly personal. Unless of course it's not, and you're just one of a hundred or so authors they've written to with their request...; 9:26 PM
Elisabeth said...: I'm one such questioner, Elizabeth and I'm always grateful to receive a response but sometimes I fear I too fail to say thank you. Most times not though. At least I hope not.

In blogging the requests for a response are so much less directed. There are those who view the Internet as a place where conventional politeness is unnecessary and others who bridle under the weight of all these transgressions.

I suppose in the end we must distance ourselves, or we can feel very easily very hurt.; 10:09 PM
Elizabeth Baines said...: Hi Elisabeth, what I'm talking about are what seem like personal emails rather than blog requests. I don't feel hurt in the least; rather, I'm wondering if it's worth bothering to continue to respond to such requests with the courtesy of time and thought.; 10:20 PM
adele said...: I agree with you, Elizabeth. Hardly anyone ever thanks for anything in my experience. I've sent books to people from time to time and never heard a word back...it's a general tendency all over the place and not just on this matter. Now I'm going to sound DEAD OLD FASHIONED but the 'thank you letter' (or email!) seems to be a thing of the past. We were always encouraged to write them when I was at school...I can also remember my mother putting me to sit at a table with a bit of paper and a pen to write such a letter after Christmas, for instance. I bet no one does such things now, but it creates a habit and I write thank you letters to this day! God, I sound OLD!; 11:57 AM
Elizabeth Baines said...: Well, the more I think about it the more I think it's unacceptable, and if that makes me seem like an old fart then all I can say is, I'd rather not do favours for people who write me off as an old fart for expecting at least some kind of acknowledgement when I've given up my tome and creativity and thought for them for free.; 12:14 PM
Elizabeth Baines said...: Whoops. Tome or time, same difference...; 12:48 PM
Adrian Slatcher said...: I often get asked in a work context about digital stuff by students and often get the same kind of rudeness. I tend to reply initially by asking some questions back about what they want to find out, and for what reason. If they don't get back to me, its obvioulsy not that important.; 10:24 PM