Susan Hill has said again that she doesn't understand the 'agony-brigade' and if she didn't simply love writing, she just wouldn't do it. Ah, lucky Susan. She does wonder, though, if she'd go on doing it if she weren't getting paid for it - and I think that may be one crucial point. Susan makes it clear that writing is what she is meant for temperamentally, and one way in which writing can be agony is if you're compelled to do it willy nilly by your whole makeup, and yet you're not getting paid for it - worse, if you're not even getting published.
There's another kind of agony, and I've been suffering from it this week. I knew there was something in there I wanted to write, and I couldn't get to it. Or rather, I could glimpse it, but I couldn't find the way to it. All the ways I tried were wrong, or rather, they didn't produce the thing I really wanted to say. I've been suffering precisely those feelings that Susan says she suffers when she's not writing - I've felt itchy, frustrated, stopped, only half alive.
Yesterday I found the key, and wrote the whole story in two mornings, and phew, there I was on that writing high again...
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Phew, I was worried there when you were describing how it felt not to be able to get out what you wanted to write - I know that feeling - so am so glad to hear that you did. Well done! What was the key? Is it something we can all learn from, or something specific to your story?
Tania, I have no idea where the key came from. It was simply a question of sitting there waiting to see/hear it. Which is why I think it's a good idea to go to your desk each day even if you're not 'inspired'. Often I find in these situations the key comes in sideways when you've given up and left the desk, but on this partic occasion it was sticking at the desk which did it in the end. There just aren't any rules, as far as I'm concerned, and so many writing projects are like setting out on a boat into uncharted waters...
It could have been my own state of mind, though - I've had a lot of personal probs recently; lots of family illness and problems to support others with,which has meant I haven't had the focus I might otherwise have had.
But I really don't know...
I don't find the agony of writing - and there's lots of agony - has anything to do with getting paid or conventionally published. neither of which I intend to do. Temperament is a pleasant way to put it, though obsession seems more accurate. And an obsessive sort of person can spend years fixed on one thing, then later on another.
Obsession: yes indeed, Lee!
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